I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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