i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
