If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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