before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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