Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
