I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
