am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
