wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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