He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I deserve this hangover.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
