I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I am available for nakedness
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
