I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
