I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
