it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
