Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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