I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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