Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
