what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
