I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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