My friends, they love my intelligence
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
