Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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