After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
