first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Randomize
