Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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