You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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