before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you didnt know i had herpes?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
