Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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