Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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