Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
As shirtless as possible
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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