Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
