Someone shit on the floor
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Randomize
