im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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