you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
