You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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