You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
