we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
