He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
