I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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