I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
