dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Every concussion has its silver lining
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
