Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Randomize
