dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
