So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
