can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
