I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
