I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
