i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
