I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
