i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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