The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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