Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
