so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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