I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
