I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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