New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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